Tiffany's Blue? More like I felt really blue.

For months, I had hinted that I wanted this particular Tiffany's necklace. I was 18 and I hoping that, just like all my other friends at school, my boyfriend would spoil me with fancy dinners and jewelry (as much as a semi-employed teenager could anyway). So Valentine's Day rolled around and we took the train into New York City. We headed up 5th Avenue and entered the flagship store on 57th Street. I was so excited. We walked through the main floor, making our way to the elevators and up the sterling silver floor. As we headed towards the counter, I was so excited. I located the necklace and waited for someone to assist us. However, something happened as we waited. I realized that, despite the months of me dropping hints, my boyfriend wasn't going to buy me that necklace. I could not get out of that store fast enough. 

After that, i decided I didn't like Tiffany's anymore. They were overpriced and not worth it. Only people who didn't know better bought it. Lies! I had told myself lies to justify the situation and make myself feel better. I convinced myself that I didn't like Tiffany's anymore because, one day, some guy who wasn't worth my time and energy couldn't deliver on something. Rather than place my anger on him, I placed it on that tiny blue box - that had done nothing absolutely nothing to me! And, guess what, I actually do enjoy getting little blue boxes every once in a while. Like the time my fiancee surprised me on our first NYE. There was a little blue box waiting for me on my bed and it's one of my favorite presents ever. It was part of the Ziegfeld collection, inspired by the Jazz Age, and absolutely perfect!!! 

One other thing happened that day though.  I did decide that I was never again going to wait around for someone else to do something for me. If I wanted anything, be it a job or a necklace, I was going to get it on my own. I was determined to be independent - not dependent. The craziest part? I didn't have this realization UNTIL THIS WEEKEND!!! But I noticed a pattern that followed me into my twenties. I settled. I allowed myself to settle, to stay safe. I settled in my relationships because I didn't think I could do better and I convinced myself that the guy I was with was everything I wanted (newsflash: he wasn't). I settled at work because it paid well and came with a great title at a great company - it didn't matter that I was bored out of my mind. I settled in life because I didn't want to admit that I wanted to travel more, to see the world. It was easier to stay blind to that fact than to realize I wasn't living the life I really wanted.

But, safe wasn't helping me. Settling wasn't making me happy. I needed to own who I was. I needed to be true to myself and admit that I like nice things, that I want to travel the world and that I deserve to be loved. That I, just as I am, am enough and that anybody worth their salt would recognize it. The only difference is that I know it now, too. 

Thank you Universe,

-N