The One Thing More Important that Respect


To respect is to admire or hold in high esteem. Think about that. Someone thinks so much of you that they seem to put you on some sort of pedestal, looking up to you. They want to be you. It's a pretty heady feeling, don't you think? But respect alone isn't enough to make someone act. No, that takes something else, something more important. It takes trust.

What is trust and why does it matter?

Trust is the firm belief in your ability or strength to deliver a specific result. Sometimes people will throw around the term, "I trust you," but do they really? Would they follow you into battle if you asked? Do they trust you to keep your word or to deliver on your promises? It's their true and absolute belief in you and your abilities that will inspire them to take the action you are requesting - whether it's to hire you or work with you. Without this trust, you won't be able to move forward.

How do you get someone to trust you?

Trust doesn't happen overnight. Like with anything, you must build a strong foundation. Another way to think of it it like an onion. You need to peel back the layers. With each layer, you expose a new, deeper level that helps to builds a connection.  It's these connections that help to form trust. The layers can be broken into three parts: know, like and trust.

Step 1: They get to know you

Just as there are numerous onions from which one can choose, there are numerous people who do what you do. How do you decide which one to pick? At first, and this might seem a bit superficial, it's all external. You put your best first forward and make them want to get to know.

How do you do that? This might sound a bit scary, especially if you consider yourself a bit of an introvert, but you need to make yourself visible. Whether you start to build an online presence - writing blogs, sharing on LinkedIn, posting on social media - or if you decide for a more personal route, choosing instead to attend in-person meet-ups or by scheduling one-on-one meetings, people will start to recognize you. They'll know who you are. And that's the first step! 

Step 2: They decide to like you

You've selected your onion. You picked it out of the bunch and you take it home. You peel back the outer layers and see what you've actually got with which to work. This is where you go a level deeper and determine if you like what you've selected. 

With an onion, you look for bruises, imperfections or anything that would make you think you made a bad choice.

With people, you get to know them and what they are like on a more personal level. You may get a glimpse into their personal life, learn about their obsession with pour over coffee or their desire to travel. 

You also get to see what they are like professionally. Maybe you'll talk about opportunities and challenges. You'll get to hear their take on situations, how they would have handled it. Perhaps they'll share experiences that may help you to make an informed decision. 

Getting someone to like you is about sharing stories in a way that connects with the other person. And what you say won't always be a perfect fit, and that's okay. However, for those who do appreciate your perspective and your status as a coffee aficionado, you'll see that they'll come to like you. That they'll enjoy spending time with you - in person or virtually.

Step 3: They learn to trust you

Now. you've already established that you've made a good selection. You've put the onion through the ringer and decided that yes, it'll do. Now you are ready to use it, to put it to work.

This is what happens when someone trusts you. They'll seek you out for advice. They'll start to ask your opinion on specific issues. They'll come to you first when they feel stuck. They'll realize that you may very well be the answer to their problems. This is when they know that by choosing you, they'll get what they need.

Recognize That Trust Takes Time

Trust doesn't happen overnight. It could be a while before someone decides to trust you. But that doesn't mean you give up. Give them ample opportunity to get to know you, to like you. The quicker that happens, the quicker you can build up trust and reach the next step in your journey. 

To your future success,